Why Do Funerals Bring Out the Worst in People?

I know weddings and funerals make the worst of it, but as far as my life goes, I just don’t know why. One of the things I’ve learned over the past few weeks is that funerals bring out the best and worst in people.

Funerals bring out the worst in people because they are a useful excuse for bad behavior. People are often upset with one another, but they restrain themselves and look for opportunities to lash out in a way they feel is justified. Funerals provide the excuse and opening they were seeking.

Figuring out what to say at a funeral can be tricky, even for the most extroverted. Knowing exactly what to say at a funeral can be the hardest part, but remember that talking to your family is often as important as what you say. The main idea of ​​what not to say at a funeral is to respect the deceased’s family as much as possible.

When attending a funeral, you will likely have several opportunities to speak with the family of the deceased, whether during the visit, visit, or reception. It is best to wait until after the memorial service to greet the family of the deceased, unless they greet people before the service. Just remember that your role is to console the family of the deceased, and not to receive support from them in your own grief.

How to Behave if the Deceased Was Close

If you and the deceased were especially close, family members will likely welcome your genuine expression of love for that person if you feel the need to share it. If you are sending an email like this to your family, make sure you live up to your offer to be respectful, peaceful, and do your part to care for someone who is dying. Perhaps you send an email with the subject line “Ceasefire Agreement” and tell your family and other healthcare professionals that you will make a commitment to put aside your differences with them and ask if they will do the same with you. yet so that you can all focus on who you love who is dying.

This may be the most difficult thing you could ever do, but someone in this situation needs to set in motion the idea that all involved should/can create a respectful, non-threatening time and space around the dying person and the funeral process.

If people are kind and show that they care about their family before death occurs, they won’t need a private funeral or expulsion of anyone. In Dr. Corey Franklin’s experience and mine, it didn’t matter which ethnic family celebrated the funeral: people are people.

Often people feel uncomfortable because of our grief, and therefore, soon after the end of the funeral, neither the person nor his loss is mentioned. Uncertainty about what to say to the family of the deceased and the right time to talk to them is one of the main reasons why many of us feel uncomfortable at a funeral.

Talking Is for AFTER the Funeral

There may be a good time at some point to talk about how you’ve dealt with your grief, but at or shortly after a funeral is not the time. When you have time to prepare before death with family and friends, clergy and ritual workers, you are more likely to do so in a calmer mood than at the time of death itself. If you plan your funeral home ahead of time, you can focus more on helping yourself and your family through the grieving process.

Your funeral home can prepare paperwork and a wish list ahead of time so that you and your family have much less stress when making decisions in the event of a death. You can arrange funerals in advance to plan for the future. With that in mind, if you’re attending a funeral, there are mistakes you should avoid out of respect for the deceased’s closest friends and family.

For example, in some cultures it is customary for families to weep openly and spend as much time as possible at a funeral (including services, burial, and observation) in mourning for a deceased loved one. Funerals are meant to openly cry and vent emotions. For most people, organizing some kind of funeral or memorial service is a positive way to deal with these problems.

Some People Don’t Inspire Grief. That’s Okay.

I recently attended my father’s funeral, which was attended by many family, friends and locals. My dad’s funeral was an emotional day to say the least, but I didn’t even cry. I hope their death and funeral will be a catalyst for my family’s recovery (which didn’t happen).

My children told me not to share their deaths and their funerals with certain people. My mom passed away shortly after Barb and members of my former extended family harassed me on the phone and threatened to come to my mom’s funeral despite acting ridiculous at my mom’s funeral. It made me dread the day when the next death would happen in my own family.

We both decided not to attend as it would be disrespectful since a funeral is a celebration of someone’s life and not a stress for the people who wanted to do it and say goodbye to my mother.

I witnessed several family conflicts at the funeral, but one remained indelible in my memory, as if it were yesterday. It’s one of those things where people have an idea of ​​what you’re doing, and most of the time people think the funeral home professional sees pretty mixed things. The funeral home professional sees a lot of things that people don’t usually face, can resist and sometimes bother, so you need to have a strong mind to handle some of the psychological demands of this role.

Gene Botkin

Gene is the director of the Theosis Christian Project. He studied physics and military science before founding the Project. Gene is currently pursuing his doctorate in systems engineering at an engineering college in the Ozarks. The Theosis Christian Project is his attempt to expand Holy Orthodoxy in America.

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